Congested Shakespeare: "Thoo be ord dot thoo be..."

I haven't been to acting school (which is probably one of the reasons that I'm good at it), but here's one lesson that I doubt they cover: "How to do Shakespeare during allergy season."

But I'm getting ahead of myself. Here's the backstory.
On Monday night at the Shakespeare Circle, we began the blocking for the Fall workshop.
The Shakespeare Circle is a subprogram of Young Shakespeare Players, put together for the family and friends of the kids, and the tech crew supporting Richard DiPrima (needless to say, the Adult Circle quickly gained the nickname, "Old Shakespeare Players," OSP for short). I joined the circle in Fall 2005 for their first full-length play, Twelfth Night. And I was a hit, but that's another story.
Now, the OSP is doing a workshop, in this case a series of important scenes from Hamlet. And on Monday night, we began blocking (that's a sort of preliminary rehearsing where we first receive our stage directions).

And, like I said, this is allergy season for me. For the better part of Monday evening, I was getting literally no air through my sinus passages, and the air flowing through my throat was punctuated by a hacking cough, so when we began the blocking for the first few scenes of the workshop, I had some interesting interpretations of Shakespeare's prose. Here are a few brief samples of my new and improved dialogue:

From the opening scene, in which I played Horatio:

(what Horatio's supposed to say: "Friends to this ground.")
what I said: "Fdeds tsoo dis growd"

(Horatio's line: "What art thou that ursurp'st this time of night, together with that fair and warlike form in which the majesty of buried Denmark did sometimes march? By heaven I charge thee, speak!")
what I said: "Wha ard dou dat ahshap's dis tibe of dite, tagida wits dats fah ad wahlike fobe id twitch da bajesty o bahwied Dedbark dad subtigs botch? Bah hebbed I chage dee, tpeek!

(Horatio's line: "Before my God, I might not this believe without the sensible and true avouch of my own eyes."
what I said: "Befoh by Gah, I bite dot dits bewiebe witsout da setsable ad twue aboush af by owd eyez."

Later, I played Marcellus, and had some pretty unique interpretations of his lines as well. Let's examine a few, shall we?

(Marcellus' line: "Look, with what courteous action it waves you to a more removed ground: but do not go with it!")
what I said: "Wook, wit vat curtias acshah ih wabes ya tsu a borra reboothad gwowd, baht too dot gah wits at!"

and of course, let's see how I interpreted Marcellus' most famous line: "Something is rotten in the state of Denmark."
what I said: "Sahbdig is rotd id da stayts af Debach."

(I can just hear Tom Servo's voice commenting on my delivery: "Ah, Garrison Keillor.")